Friday, October 3, 2008

If you have not read the book The Shack, you should. ( It's a story about tragedy and God and how the two collide. It resonated deeply with us as we wandered through miscarriages and failed fertility procedures and wondering why God wouldn't bless us with a child. The main character experiences deep hurt that lingers, the kind that lets you get on with life but without passion or desire. He refers to it as The Great Sadness. The darkness that hovered over us for almost six years was likened to that. We were able to live and live well even at times, but a pervasive cloud made every snapshot a bit dim, every memory saddened. I would never have wanted to admit that having a child was a bargaining chip with God, but it sort of was. I still trusted God and listened to Him, but I had an issue with Him about it. As one week has passed since Carolina's arrival, I realize that she was the breath of God. He took six years to inhale deeply enought to blow The Great Sadness away in one sweet gust. I know it gets harder this being a parent, and I'm okay with that. I'm ready for it. And I know, too, that this little girl will break my heart more than it has been yet. She'll get sick or date a loser or get drunk at 16 or worse. But it won't be the same as The Great Sadness. It's gone now. Every difficult experience from here on out will bear the resemblance of the breath of God. I see it in her, and it's better than anything I've known.


  1. Kim, I presume you wrote the post, thanks for being vulnerable and transparent. Great book and if may offer a word of counsel, it is a counsel Leigh and I received fom our pastor in Brazil, Dr. R. Shedd, when Jon and Jer were toddlers, and it was this: make your constant prayer that your child Carolina will be sensitive to God's Spirit... and all else will be insignificant..

    Love y'all..


  2. jc 00192098792837640867, I actually wrote it, but thanks for the props. I like that prayer, it helps keep the crazy stuff small.

  3. This is random, but I love the name of your blog! =D That's actually the name of my blog on Xanga. It's crazy how two minds can think alike.

    The baby is adorable, too, by the way. =P

  4. Greg, it's Brian Farmer. Congratulations to you and your wife. Little girls bring the greatest joy!

  5. I did read The Shack and love your thoughts about Carolina being the breath of God in your life. God does love you and while I don't understand why you and Kim had to go through all the heartache and pain of the last six years, I know that Papa has been with you in it all. I loved the relationships in that book and also encourage everyone to get a copy of the book. It may not be great literature, but you will find the heart of the Father in those pages.